The Pony Club Of The Apocalypse
By Michael English
Summary: This sketch examines how small sins, the bullying, selfishness and tantrums of the Pony Club, can eventually lead to the excesses of War, Famine and Death; the Horsemen themselves. Do not underestimate the difficulty of doing this sketch. Choreographing the fight at the end is far from easy.
Bible Reference: Possibly Revelation 6, but I prefer Galatians 6: 7-8.
Characters: Producer, Presenter - Willy Turnip, The Pony Club - Bully, Tantrum, Selfish and Don't Care, Security Guards x 2.
Props: Clipboard and headphones, note, bag of sweets.
Setting: A television studio.
Producer (Voice Off): Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the chat show of all chat shows. And here's your host, Willy Turnip!
(Willy bounds onto the stage. He is a completely over the top character).
Willy: Welcome ladies, gentlemen and children. May I say what a privilege it is to have such a great audience. Give yourselves a terrific round of applause. Didn't you do well. We've got a great show today yessiree, ladies and gentleman. They said it couldn't be done. They said no-one would dare. But today, for the first time ever on live television, I, Willy Turnip, will bring to you, straight from the last book of the Bible - those rascals from Revelation - Please give a big hand for: Conquest! War! Famine! and Death! The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse!
Producer: They couldn't come.
(The producer walks onto the edge of the stage. He has a clip board and headphones.)
Willy: What do you mean they couldn't come?
Producer: Something came up at the last minute. They've been called away to Africa. Or was it the Middle East?
Willy: But what could be more important than my show. The Horsemen will never work in television again. I'll make sure of that. But where can we get replacements. I've got no guests - I'm ruined - nobody loves me. Boo Hoo!
Producer: Its all right. The Four Horsemen have organised replacements. Equally as terrifying they said.
(He gives a piece of paper to Willy and then goes off)
Willy: Ladies and gentlemen please give a big hand for Four Sweet Young Ladies, Tantrum, Selfish, Don't Care .
Producer (Off Stage): Oy, stop it you! Get on stage now.... and let go of my hair.
Willy: . And Bully; who together are - The Pony Club of The Apocalypse! I don't believe it.
(The Pony Club troop on sullenly one by one as their names are read out. "Selfish" has a bag of sweets. If required they can each have large name tag.)
Willy (to Selfish): Hello little girl, is your name Selfish? Can I have a sweet?
Selfish (shouting): No.
Willy: Come on, just one. Why don't you share them with your friends.
Bully: Yeah, Selfish. Give us your sweets, or I'll bash you. (Bully grabs for the bag but misses).
Tantrum: Selfish, if you don't give me one I shall scream.
Selfish: These are my sweets and I'm going to eat them. So there! (She sticks out her tongue).
Willy: Now, now girls. (He tries to hold Bully and Selfish apart, but Bully elbows him in the stomach.)
Tantrum: I want sweets. Give me sweets! (She carries on doing this eventually lying on the floor kicking and screaming).
(Bully at last succeeds in grabbing the bag).
Selfish: Let go. They're my sweets.
Bully: No. They're mine now.
Don't Care: No they're not. (She snatches the bag from Bully and scatters the contents on the floor.)
Willy: Look what you've done. No-one can eat the sweets now.
Don't Care: Don't care. (She jumps up and down on the sweets).
Willy: Right I've had it. Get these monsters off my show.
(Several men (Security Guards?) come on and drag the girls off. Tantrum is still kicking and screaming).
Willy: Well there you go folks. That was the Pony Club off the Apocalypse; Bully, Tantrum, Selfish and Don't Care. And I hope I never see them again. They are already behaving just like their fathers. If they don't stop now, you can see how, in a few years, they will grow up to become, Conquest, War, Famine and Death. Its amazing how easily a small sin can grow into a large evil.
This script is Copyright 1998 Michael English, All Saints Milton. Permission is given to use this drama in non-profit making church events provided the source is acknowledged. Some editing may be required to suit local conditions. Please let us know if you have any comments.
Return to Script Index